“This is Blue Steel, Jay.”
“I know what this is.”
“This is what Zoolander taught me when you abandoned me last week.”
“His name is Ben Stiller and I was at a dinner function for literally an hour.”
“Bey, what…what, what in the hell is he doing to my sofa?!”
“I don’t want to know…I bet that heifer Kim taught him that.”
“No one will know if I just put a pillow over his face while he sleeps. Ye, may the odds be ever in your favor.”
“Jay.. You know, I wasn’t going to say anything, but-“
“Kanye dressed me.”
“I thought that I wanted new friends but this… this is not what I want at all. I do not want to be hanging out with Zoolander. I miss Jay. I miss Bey. I miss Blue Ivy even though she can’t yet contribute artistically or emotionally to our friendship.”
“Jay! Jay! Yo, Jay! Am I doing it right?!? Is this it?!?Does mine look like yours??! Is mine good??!?! Jay! Jay! JaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAY”
“Jay… Jay, can I just- can I hold your hand for a minute? I- I don’t feel so well all of a sudden.”
“Ye- wha- what the fuck, we are on-fuckin’-stage, man! Pull your shit together.”
“I know, I know, I just get these- I get these panicky feelings in my stomach-“
“You know what, you- tomorrow we are sending you to therapy. Tomorrow you go straight to therapy, you do not pass go. This shit is worrisome.”
“Jay, Be, I started reading this new book called —” -Kanye
“-Hahahah, what Kanye ‘Lying Ass’ West? You started reading?” -Beyonce
“Now that’s a damn lie, hahahaha” - Jay Z
“…heh.” -Kanye
“This is Ye singing with no auto-tune. Hahahah. He tries so hard…”
“You must hang out with Kim Kardashian. You MUST. You have to do it for Ye. WE HAVE TO BE SUPPORTIVE OF HIM DURING THIS CONFUSING TIME IN HIS LIFE!!!!!!”
“Never. NEVER”
